my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize