Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
