Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
