Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
