I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
