I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
