Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.