Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!