the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits