I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.