Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.