In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever