the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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