i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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