Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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