Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.