id be glad to
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis