she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.