dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.