Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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