you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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