I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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