I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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