Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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