the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I touched a dick in church today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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