So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize