Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
