his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
