I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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