I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
