you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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