Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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