But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
