i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
