I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
