i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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