Acid is not a monday night drug
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
