The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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