What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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