im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
