i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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