He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
