Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
