I bet he comes in French.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize