I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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