Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
