god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize