there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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