Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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