I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.