I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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