He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
