the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
