I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
