The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think your dad took our porno
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
