the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize