I'm going to jail i love you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's great music for shaving your balls
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
