My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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